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So… Tyler Myers… September 19, 2009

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.
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Tyler,

Welcome to the NHL. The guys are fast here, huh?

Because I like you, I’m going to offer you some advice on how not to get yourself into another complete cluster^%$# like you did tonight on Detroit’s goal. First, don’t try to do fancy stuff. Sure, you’re built like a giraffe and your reach is so long I think you slashed me once tonight, but that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly all Zdeno Chara-ish. You know the old saying, “Keep it simple, um, Tyler”. You’re too big for me to call stupid – I like my teeth in their current location. Besides, you’re not stupid, you’re just a young buck who’s getting a little overexcited.

Next, clear the crease if you don’t want to see Ryan Miller’s face in your nightmares tonight. He’s not fond of defensemen who don’t keep his area neat and tidy (see: Gomez, Scott and Season down the tube, Sabres). You are, as I mentioned before, a big guy. Push the little bastards out of your goaltender’s face and maybe he’ll buy you a nice, big, juicy steak after the game. Or you could let the other team fall all over him and see what happens. I wouldn’t wanna mess with a guy who looks like this. Serious hockey player or serial killer? You decide.

Sincerely,

Your guardian angel

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