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Sabres 2009-2010 Strategy Session, Part 1 September 24, 2009

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.
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Location: Sabres Front Office, Gilbert Perrault Conference Room, present day

Darcy Regier:

I’ve called you all here today to tell you one undisputable truth.

pauses, looks at each person sitting around the table, then leans forward, his hands resting on the tabletop

If we don’t make the playoffs this year Tom is going to replace us with hamsters.

a collective gasp goes up from those assembled

Yes, you heard me. Hamsters. He figures hamsters can do just as good a job as we are. We need to prove him wrong. I dunno about you guys, but I don’t wanna lose my cushy living and my mansion in Clarence to a bunch of rodents.

the crowd murmurs their assent

I only see one way out of this mess. Can anyone tell me what that one way is?

James Patrick:




No, James, but a good thought nonetheless. Anyone else?

Brian McCutcheon:

Release all the little bastards and then kidnap a better team?


No, but I like the way you think.

sits there, idly petting his cat, his eyebrow raised

Lindy Ruff:

What if we tried, you know, not sucking?

gasps all around


Not sucking. Huh. Wasn’t what I was thinking of, but it just might be crazy enough to work.


looking confused

What were you thinking?


Oh, I thought maybe we should all start dressing like women so Tom wouldn’t be able to find us to blame us for the team not making the playoffs.


Or, we could just try not to suck.


You know, your way might be easier.



Easier? Dude, the NHL season is 82 games, which gives you plenty of opportunities to suck. NOT sucking, when you’re faced with odds like those, is much harder. I know – I read it in Scotty Bowman’s book.

murmurs from the assemblage


Wow. Not sucking. Ok then. It’s a harebrained scheme, but it could work. So how do we go about this ‘not sucking’ thing? Blackmail?

Jim Corsi:

What are you, a mafioso? Eeesh.



I did play for the Rangers for a while.

Everyone in the room nods sagely


You wanna know how to not suck?




I said, you wanna know how to not SUCK?


Yeah! I just said that – yeah!


Oh. I didn’t hear you. My apologies.

Darcy inclines his head slightly and indicates Lindy should keep talking


The first thing we gotta do is pick a good team. We’ve got 33 players still in training. We’re allowed 23.


So we hafta cut 12 of them?


narrowing his eyes at Brian and shaking his head

No, 10 guys. How many pucks did you take to the noggin, man?


My name is Earl.


Moving on…

and…. scene.

Come back tomorrow for the next installment of “Sabres 2009-2010 Strategy Session”.

Cue scary music, turn on black light & strobe



1. Shelby Rose - September 24, 2009

The image of Lindy saying ‘dude’ is making me snort.

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