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Hard-hitting Draft Day Analysis June 27, 2010

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.
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Here’s my hard-hitting draft day analysis: the Sabres drafted more defensemen. This tells me a few things about Darcy Regier and the rest of the management staff: 1- they do not understand that a hockey team is made up of 12 forwards, six defensemen, and two goaltenders. They obviously think it’s the other way around – 12 defensemen and six forwards. That’s the only logical explanation I can find for why you’d have 9,604,307 freeging defensemen taking up valuable roster space in your organization.

Part two of my hard-hitting analysis: players I don’t like are still Sabres, and I consider this a total fail on the part of Sabres management. As I mentioned on Twitter, I was willing to negotiate to free up roster space for guys who don’t SUCK. Now, you can argue with me that said players don’t suck, and perhaps their stats would back you up, but you won’t convince me that their suckitude isn’t causing the air in HSBC Arena to feel as thin as if it was located in Denver.

Finally, congratulations to the Blackhawks. I don’t think I put up a blog post after they won the Cup, mainly because right now hockey is boring me to TEARS. TEARS, people. And that’s not good, considering how much I love this sport. If it’s boring ME to tears, what’s happening to the average fan? I think it all goes back to the uninspired play of the Sabres in the playoffs. After that performance I just didn’t care anymore, and that’s sad, because I’ve been a hockey fan for practically my whole life, and a Sabres fan for nearly 20 years. I’m hoping management does something to restore my faith in the team. I’m practically begging for it.

Until then, I’ll amuse you with pithy anecdotes and knock-knock jokes (insert hubby groaning “OH PLEASE GOD, NO KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES”).


What went wrong? June 12, 2010

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I was going to wait until sometime in the summer to post this, but I figured – what the hell – might as well throw it up. Don’t get alarmed – it’s another serious post.

Today’s topic is: what went wrong?

That’s such an open question, I know… but I’m specifically referring to the past three seasons of Sabres hockey in relation to the two years prior. If you look at the rosters for the ’05-’06 and ’06-’07 Sabres compared to the past three years, here are the subtractions:


IMO there haven’t been enough notable additions to make them part of the discussion, so we’ll ignore them for now (see Moore, Dominic and Torres, Raffi, listed under Busts, Total).

I’m not going to argue that the team hasn’t missed Briere and Drury – they have. And I know they came close to making the playoffs in both ’07-’08 and ’08-’09, but let’s face it – this team has been a shadow of itself since ’06-’07, when they ran the season and won the President’s Trophy.

This past year, they did well in the regular season, but imploded in the playoffs, with much the same roster that took them to the Eastern Conference Finals twice only a few seasons before that.

So what’s gone wrong? What’s the difference?

Did they miss other players more than they admitted? Was Mike Grier really that big a loss? JP Dumont? Martin Biron? Jay McKee? Or was it a combination of losing those veterans, along with Briere and Drury, and thinking the guys who stepped up during the ’05-’06 and ’06-’07 could it without them?

I’ve heard time and time again that what this team (and the teams in the two playoffs-less seasons before that) was lacking was mental toughness. Resilience. Focus. Call it whatever you want. But is that really the problem?

I bet you thought I was going to tell you what I think the problem is, didn’t you? Nope. I want to hear what you think.

Sabres Behind-the-Scenes: Draft Day Part 3 June 11, 2010

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*knock at the door*

Darcy Regier: *walking to the door* Come in, Tyler.

Tyler Toffoli: Thanks. *nervously waving to everyone. Hey.

Everyone: Hey.

Darcy: Sit down, Tyler.

Larry Quinn: Thanks for coming today. We just want to get to know you a little better.

Tyler: Ok.

Lindy Ruff: Tell us about yourself.

Tyler: Well…

Tom Golisano: Do you like puppies, Tyler?

Tyler: Puppies? Uh, sure.

Tom: Movies about gladiators?

Tyler: Gladiators?

Lindy: Ignore him.

Tom: Rainbows?

Lindy: Seriously, ignore him. So tell us about how you’ve been doing the past year.

Tyler: I think last year went pretty well. I had over a point a game, and the playoffs were good…

Larry: Are you familiar with Jason Pominville, Tyler?

Tyler: Um, a little.

Larry: Because what we’re really looking for is a Jason Pominville clone.

Tom: We like Jason.

Darcy: Everybody likes Jason.

Everyone: *murmurs in agreement*

Tyler: A Jason Pominville clone?

Darcy: And we think you’re just the man for us. We can take your raw talent and make you into Jason Pominville.

Larry: Every player wants that, right? I mean, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

Tyler: You know, I think I need to go meet my parents. Yeahhhh, I was supposed to meet them for lunch…

Tom: *visibly disappointed* Leaving so soon? But we haven’t even talked about unicorns!

Larry: Or taught you how to use the phrase “I mean” 47 times in each interview!

Lindy: You know, Jason is a dream to coach…

Tom: He’s a dream, all right. Dreamy, if you ask me.

Tyler: *edging out of the room* Ok, well, it was good talking to you guys! *closes door behind him* Freaks.

Now that Tyler Toffoli thinks the Sabres organization is run by a bunch of unicorn-loving freaks, who will the team turn to? Who will they draft?

A serious post June 10, 2010

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I’m going to deviate from my usual snark to discuss the Cup winners/losers in a serious fashion. It is possible for me to be serious, I just usually don’t choose to be. Life is more fun when it’s sarcastic.

Congrats to Chicago for breaking a 49-year Cup drought. And a special congrats to the Blackhawks fans, who endured quite a lot while Wiertz the Elder was at the helm of the team. His son, Rocky Junior, has done a great job since his dad passed away – most notably, getting Blackhawks home games back on TV in the local market. (As an aside, not to speak ill of the dead, but can you IMAGINE having your team’s home games blacked out? Eesh.) Those fans who stayed with the team deserved to be rewarded, and they were. Great to see.

I was telling my dear hubs how some people seemed to be quite gleeful to see Philly fans unhappy. I will admit I don’t like the Flyers very much (except for Danny Briere, and for some reason, Kimmo Timonen – I think it’s the Finnish thing – I like Fins). Anyhoo, I think Flyers fans are some of the most obnoxious in the league. Some may argue with me – go ahead, that’s what the comments section is for. And I fully admit I’ve never been to a Flyers game wearing an opponent’s jersey myself, but I’ve heard plenty of tales. What I’m getting at is this: I can empathize with Flyers fans this morning. I’ve been there. I know much it hurts. So, sorry Flyers fans. As they repeat in Buffalo ad nauseum: there’s always next year!

Soupy got his Cup, Hossa finally got his… and can I just add – take a rest, Marian. Literally sit around ALL SUMMER LONG and put your feet up. You’ve played a freeging lot of hockey in the past three seasons. The adrenaline of winning the Cup is only going to last so long, and then you will collapse into a pile of beat-up-but-still-firmly-muscled hockey player gooeyness. It won’t be pretty.

Danny did not get his Cup, and I feel for the guy. I like Briere. Maybe he wanted too much money for the Sabres to keep him long-term, but you can’t argue with 12 points in the SCF. From what I heard, it was one point shy of Gretzky’s record. And guess what, boys and girls: Gretzky was pretty awesome, which makes Danny pretty awesome too.

But I’m not sorry to see Chris Pronger lose. I hate that dude.

Hockey season is over, finally. The playoffs didn’t interest me at all for some reason. Some of the story lines were interesting – Washington out in the first round, Montreal nearly making it to the Finals, San Jose being overwhelmed yet again… but overall, I just didn’t care much.

So let’s take a little while and step back… prepare for Draft Day (part 3 of Sabres Behind-the-Scenes: Draft Day should go up tomorrow), read an article the next morning about who won the awards – I doubt I’ll bother to watch, and wait for next year. Because you know what, Sabres fans? There’s always next year. Well, at least until someone finds a reason to move the team, but I think we’re safe for quite some time.

Sabres Behind-the-Scenes: Draft Day, Part 2 June 9, 2010

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Darcy Regier: Ok, can we get serious now? We’ve got a lot to discuss! I don’t want to just go in there and blurt out any old name. That’s how we got stuck with Nathan Paetsch.

Everyone: *general murmurs of agreement*

Darcy: Thanks for attention finally, fellas.

Larry Quinn: I have a question, Darcy!

Darcy: You don’t have to raise your hand to ask a question, Larry.

Larry: Oh.

Darcy: *sighing* What do you want, Larry?

Larry: I was wondering why Tyler Myers is standing in the corner not moving. It’s creeping me out.

Lindy Ruff: Me too.

Tom Golisano: Me three.

Darcy: I asked Tyler to come here today and stand in the corner like a mannequin – a giant mannequin, but a mannequin nonetheless – to remind us of what we’re looking for in a first-round player.

Tom: Someone tall?

Darcy: Well, yes, preferably, but that’s not all.

Larry: Someone blond?

Darcy: Hair color has nothing to do with success. Look at Mark Recchi. That bastard has almost no hair left and he’s still an effective player.

Lindy: Fucker.

Darcy: What I meant with Exhibit A – also known as “Tyler Myers” – is that we need a player who can help us right away. God knows we need it.

Lindy: I like coaching in the playoffs!

Larry: And you’re very good at it, too. *pats Lindy’s head* You have nice hair, Lindy. I never noticed it before. It’s very sunny and yellow.

Lindy: Thanks! My wife picked it out to match my ties.

Tom: Great idea! I gotta get me one of those “wife” things. Monica’s not cuttin’ it anymore.


Everyone: Sorry, Darcy.

Darcy: I’m going to read a bio for a player I think we should pursue. Let me know what you think… Nickname is Tazer, but he’s also known as “Captain Serious” for his intensity and because he is more mature than his 21 years… Played two years at the University of North Dakota… Scored 85 points in 76 games for the Fighting Sioux…

Lindy: Darcy, seriously. That’s a bio for Jonathan Toews! What’s with the Toews obsession?

Darcy: He reminds me of Chris Drury.

Everyone: *general murmurs of agreement*

Lindy: But Toews is already drafted, and I doubt they’d be receptive to trade talks. Let’s move on. I’ve got a guy I think we should take a serious look at. His name is Brett Connolly…

Tom: *shudders* Don’t say that name!

Lindy: Brett?

Tom: No, Connolly. I refuse to even consider any player named Connolly.

Lindy: But they’re not related.

Tom: I don’t care. And I’m going to hold my breath until you stop talking about him. *starting to shake and turn blue*

Lindy: Seriously?

Larry: Lindy, you’re killing our billionaire team owner. Move on.

Lindy: Fine. How about this guy – Tyler…

Everyone: *groaning*

Lindy: WHAT?!?

Darcy: Another Tyler. Didn’t these freeging parents name their boys anything besides Tyler?

Lindy: Moving on. Tyler Toffoli is basically a younger Jason Pominville.

Larry: I love Jason Pominville! He showed me how much fun I could have playing with puppies and chasing rainbows.

Darcy: He’s done that for all of us. *wiping away a tear*

Lindy: He’s a right winger like Jason, he’s about the same as Jason, he doesn’t have elite talent but is a well-rounded player…

Tom: Like Jason!

Lindy: Yes. He does a good job of positioning himself…

Darcy: Like Jason!

Lindy: Yessssss. Can I finish?

Tom: *clapping* Go ahead! I’m so excited! I lurve Jason Pominville!

Lindy: Everyone does. Anyway, he’s got some offensive upside – like Jason and is a good teammate, like Jason.

Darcy: Let’s do it! Let’s draft him! You can never have too many Jason’s on your team.

Larry: Wait, I’m confused. His name is Tyler.

Darcy: *ignoring Larry* Give me his information, Lindy. I’ll make the call and get him in here for an interview.

Tom: Yay!

Stay tuned for the next installment of “Sabres Behind-the-Scenes”, where we’ll meet Tyler “Jason” Toffoli. Until then, pet a puppy and chase a rainbow, everyone!

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