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Big trouble, ladies June 3, 2010

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.

I’ve done some math, and it doesn’t look good, my fellow sisters-in-arms.

We don’t have much of a chance of landing that elusive, huge, sparkly diamond ring from an NHL player we’re all clamoring for. Feel free to weep bitterly. I know I am. I have no reason to watch hockey now. How discouraging.

Here’s the breakdown:

According to wiki.answers.com, there are 947 players currently in the NHL (not sure if that includes call-ups or not, but hey – let’s give ourselves as big a chance as we can) and leave the number at that.

There are, according to our recent source of female fan information, a lovely article in The Daily Beast, 928,000 fans, on average, watching each hockey game (I would assume that’s a combination of seeing the game live or on TV). I multiplied that number by 15, since two teams play at once (out of 30 total teams).

Still following me?

32 percent of those 928,000 fans are female, so, using my trusty calculator, I estimate the total number of female NHL fans at 43,500,000. Frankly, I have no idea if this is accurate or not, but bear with me.

Let’s assume every single one of those 43-odd million female fans wants a fat diamond from a player… After all, that’s why we watch hockey.

The chances of an NHL player puttin’ a ring on it are about 1 in 46,000. This number does not account for the married players, who we’re assuming are not free to give out a second huge diamond ring. We’ll say that only one-third of the 947 players are married, and the other two-thirds are, naturally, waiting with that huge rock and bated breath for one of us to knock them off their feet. The odds, corrected for unmarried players, slip to 1 in 68,800. Or, roughly, the chances of being struck by lightning while you’re balancing on one foot on the very center of the North Pole wearing a polka-dot tutu.

In other words, not good. Sorry to break it to you. We’re screwed, ladies. Maybe we can all buy pink jerseys to console ourselves.

I just threw up a little in my mouth. Or maybe not.



1. David - June 4, 2010

I think it should probably be around 4.3 million. you divided by .32 instead of multiplying by .32.

manda903 - June 4, 2010

I never claimed to be any good at math. 😉 Odds still aren’t good for that elusive rock no matter how you look at it.

David - June 4, 2010

haha true…and sorry about correcting you im not a pompus ass i swear i just noticed it

manda903 - June 4, 2010

No worries, David. It was mostly a tongue-in-cheek post, so I wasn’t overly concerned with the accuracy of the numbers.

2. David - June 4, 2010

43500000 female NHL fans seems a bit high

3. Just Sayin' - June 4, 2010

You can always be a puck bunny in their formative years. Start combing the prep high schools/junior leagues/college/minor league hockey cicuits now!

4. Shelby - June 3, 2010

Well, that’s the end of the road for me. How can I possibly go on watching this sport if I can’t get a huge, shiny diamond ring from one of these players?

5. Cynthia Racette - June 3, 2010

You’re gonna have to find another reason to watch hockey than those sparkly diamonds. I’m tellin’ ya! Gotta be done!

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