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Sabres Behind-the-Scenes: Draft Day, Part 2 June 9, 2010

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.
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Darcy Regier: Ok, can we get serious now? We’ve got a lot to discuss! I don’t want to just go in there and blurt out any old name. That’s how we got stuck with Nathan Paetsch.

Everyone: *general murmurs of agreement*

Darcy: Thanks for attention finally, fellas.

Larry Quinn: I have a question, Darcy!

Darcy: You don’t have to raise your hand to ask a question, Larry.

Larry: Oh.

Darcy: *sighing* What do you want, Larry?

Larry: I was wondering why Tyler Myers is standing in the corner not moving. It’s creeping me out.

Lindy Ruff: Me too.

Tom Golisano: Me three.

Darcy: I asked Tyler to come here today and stand in the corner like a mannequin – a giant mannequin, but a mannequin nonetheless – to remind us of what we’re looking for in a first-round player.

Tom: Someone tall?

Darcy: Well, yes, preferably, but that’s not all.

Larry: Someone blond?

Darcy: Hair color has nothing to do with success. Look at Mark Recchi. That bastard has almost no hair left and he’s still an effective player.

Lindy: Fucker.

Darcy: What I meant with Exhibit A – also known as “Tyler Myers” – is that we need a player who can help us right away. God knows we need it.

Lindy: I like coaching in the playoffs!

Larry: And you’re very good at it, too. *pats Lindy’s head* You have nice hair, Lindy. I never noticed it before. It’s very sunny and yellow.

Lindy: Thanks! My wife picked it out to match my ties.

Tom: Great idea! I gotta get me one of those “wife” things. Monica’s not cuttin’ it anymore.

Darcy: WILL YOU PEOPLE STAY ON TOPIC!?!

Everyone: Sorry, Darcy.

Darcy: I’m going to read a bio for a player I think we should pursue. Let me know what you think… Nickname is Tazer, but he’s also known as “Captain Serious” for his intensity and because he is more mature than his 21 years… Played two years at the University of North Dakota… Scored 85 points in 76 games for the Fighting Sioux…

Lindy: Darcy, seriously. That’s a bio for Jonathan Toews! What’s with the Toews obsession?

Darcy: He reminds me of Chris Drury.

Everyone: *general murmurs of agreement*

Lindy: But Toews is already drafted, and I doubt they’d be receptive to trade talks. Let’s move on. I’ve got a guy I think we should take a serious look at. His name is Brett Connolly…

Tom: *shudders* Don’t say that name!

Lindy: Brett?

Tom: No, Connolly. I refuse to even consider any player named Connolly.

Lindy: But they’re not related.

Tom: I don’t care. And I’m going to hold my breath until you stop talking about him. *starting to shake and turn blue*

Lindy: Seriously?

Larry: Lindy, you’re killing our billionaire team owner. Move on.

Lindy: Fine. How about this guy – Tyler…

Everyone: *groaning*

Lindy: WHAT?!?

Darcy: Another Tyler. Didn’t these freeging parents name their boys anything besides Tyler?

Lindy: Moving on. Tyler Toffoli is basically a younger Jason Pominville.

Larry: I love Jason Pominville! He showed me how much fun I could have playing with puppies and chasing rainbows.

Darcy: He’s done that for all of us. *wiping away a tear*

Lindy: He’s a right winger like Jason, he’s about the same as Jason, he doesn’t have elite talent but is a well-rounded player…

Tom: Like Jason!

Lindy: Yes. He does a good job of positioning himself…

Darcy: Like Jason!

Lindy: Yessssss. Can I finish?

Tom: *clapping* Go ahead! I’m so excited! I lurve Jason Pominville!

Lindy: Everyone does. Anyway, he’s got some offensive upside – like Jason and is a good teammate, like Jason.

Darcy: Let’s do it! Let’s draft him! You can never have too many Jason’s on your team.

Larry: Wait, I’m confused. His name is Tyler.

Darcy: *ignoring Larry* Give me his information, Lindy. I’ll make the call and get him in here for an interview.

Tom: Yay!

Stay tuned for the next installment of “Sabres Behind-the-Scenes”, where we’ll meet Tyler “Jason” Toffoli. Until then, pet a puppy and chase a rainbow, everyone!

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Comments»

1. Richard - June 9, 2010

Better bake some cookies for the Tyler Jason…

2. manda903 - June 9, 2010

I am not silly. I am perfectly serious. I have no idea how the scenes are being received, but I hope everyone understands they are done in a tongue-in-cheek fashion…

3. Cynthia - June 9, 2010

You are sooo silly! And your novelist tendencies are coming out. Any feedback on how these “scenes” are being accepted? I think they’re hilarious!


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