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Sabres New Year’s Resolutions December 31, 2010

Posted by calvin in Uncategorized.
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In the spirit of being the ever-helpful fan that I am, I thought I’d give the boys some ideas about New Year’s resolutions. Here’s hoping they keep these suggestions and learn them, know them, live them.

Luke Adam: Continue to grow as a hockey player, both physically and skill-wise, and displace one of the barnacles hanging off the Sabres’ ship [see Connolly, Tim].

Tim Connolly: Start scouting for a team who’s looking for an oft-injured, highly-talented center who left his potential back in his high school rink (ED note: harsh, I know, and argue with me if you think you can win. Addt’l ED note: you can’t win.)

Tyler Ennis: Watch old tapes of Maxim Afinogenov. Watch new tapes of Maxim Afinogenov WHO IS IN THE KHL BECAUSE HE STICKHANDLED TOO MUCH.

Paul Gaustad: Remember that there’s more to hockey than being good at faceoffs.

Nathan Gerbe: Keep a picture of a hockey net on the fridge so it can be easily recognized during games.

Mike Grier: Learn how to score on a breakaway.

Jochen Hecht: Become the Angry German we would much rather see than this mopey dude.

Pat Kaleta: Get some new body parts and see a migraine specialist.

Cody McCormick: Send a late Christmas card to Adam Mair.

Rob Niedermayer: Invest in some “Just for Men” so the guys will making comments about the gray hair.

Jason Pominville: Populate his town, maybe make it necessary to open up a Planned Parenthood clinic there.

Derek Roy: Learn how to dance on one leg so trips to SoHo are still a possibility.

Drew Stafford: Figure out which personality is the real Drew Stafford – the kick-ass, take no names winger or the totally-invisible, furry-loving one. Kill the totally-invisible, furry-loving one.

Thomas Vanek: Do some research on Valium.

Chris Butler: Write a dissertation on how last season’s horrible play could be attributed to being paired with Craig Rivet. Try to figure out angle for explaining away this year’s horrible play.

Jordan Leopold: Look up what “egregious turnover” means and then stop committing them.

Steve Montador: Buy an “I’m awesome and I want a contract extension” t-shirt to wear around the rink.

Shaone Morrisonn: Figure out how to stay healthy for more than one game at a stretch. And call Mike Green to taunt him about his Vespa.

Tyler Myers: Use zinc lozenges before heading to Calgary next time.

Craig Rivet: Pick out a nice retirement home.

Andrej Sekera: Buy a baseball bat to keep away all the women flocking in his direction since the Buffalo Spree’s “Most Eligible Bachelor” list came out.

Mike Weber: Learn how to fight.

Ryan Miller: Start threatening teammates with show tunes in the locker room if they don’t kick their games up a notch or three.

Patrick Lalime: Bask in the reflected glory from Ryan Miller’s warm words at the NHL Awards last year.

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Comments»

1. C.A.R. - December 31, 2010

A riot! And sooo right on! I especially like Pommer, Rivet, Vanek, Stafford and Leopold! LOL


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